After reading through my last post, I realized that it was a bit depressing. Academic culture can have a real toll on you. There is no real structure and measurable points of success besides grant money and publications. And even the publication culture nowadays is often publishing to publish rather than for the strict advancement of knowledge. Talking to recently retired Ph.D. Steve Lindow, he mentioned how the academic culture has changed into something much more frantic and fast paced, compared to the slower more deliberate process of his time. And maybe thatʻs a reflection of a change in the general world culture as well. We want so badly to belong and to show our best selves to the rest of the world. We try so hard to get our work out that we get lost along our journey.
There is the ʻGreat Manʻ theory where we are supposed to be convinced that only a small minority of magnificently talented souls are able to make a dent in the monolith of recorded time. Many donʻt aspire to dent but rather try to exist peacefully beside it, but not so close that this monolith casts too great a shadow on them. I think I’ve come to the realization that I’d be content in a role removed from this train of thought entirely. I want to do work for myself and my community rather than just, what society deems, 'success'. Iʻve recently finished the book “The key is stillness” by Ryan Holiday and he mentions that society today is “overfed and undernourished. Overstimulated, over-scheduled, and lonely”. Ultimately, I’ve come away from my reading being more content with living a fair and simple life. While I enjoy the process of brainstorming interesting questions, I think I’d be happy with answering them at my own pace, purposefully, with the hopes that it will make a positive difference in the world. This year Iʻm still gathering data, heaps and heaps of data, but Iʻm now trying to do it more deliberately and enjoying my time on the way. Do I want to be remembered in the records of time as an excellent person? I think a part of me always will. But Iʻd like to actively try to be happy where I am at for the moment, be proud of my willingness to try, and excited about the endless possibilities of the future.
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December 2023
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