My life has recently become more beautiful. My daughter Kiele was born on April 2nd and, I knew from that moment my life was forever changed. Since then, everything has seemed so amplified. My love for her and my wife, my gratitude for life, and even my fears and worries of losing it all. Nothing prepares you for the immediacy of change in life perspective, at least as a someone who didn't need to bear a child. The depth of responsibility thrust onto me by something so small. This juxtaposition is funny, precipitous, and inspiring all at once. Just five years ago I was romanticizing the youthful charm of self-sabotage, selfishness, and belief in being a better man tomorrow. Now I feel myself orbiting something so much more important.
Something I remember during my wife's pregnancy, was my constant worry for what kind of world we were bringing Kiele into. Indeed, I've heard many times over the years from friends and colleagues that they don't want to bring children into the troubled world we live in. Filled with poverty, crime, violence, and an unstable climate. It was difficult in my wife's pregnancy, to mull on the guilt of unavoidable suffering our daughter may have to endure in her lifetime. It wasn't until shortly after she was born that I realized the negativity of today’s world is not a new perspective but rather one that has always been present in the minds of humanity. And it is sometimes unproportionally amplified to greater heights by the sheer volume of noise present in social media and news. Yet, even with the new burdens introduced in the 21st century, I'm okay with bringing Kiele into it as long as I can show her the world is indeed filled with love, kindness, and empathy. Music and art. That the world is as much gold as it is grey. In fact, by bringing a child into the world, I believe there is so much more goodness in it now. Sure, we may inevitably imprint our own scars onto her, small and large, like all parents. But by showing her the wonders of life, helping her find her purpose, and serve her community, I think a child multiplies the goodness in the world and brings a hope that is necessary for a world as pessimistic as today. While we may not live in an equal world, the mere act of being alive brings with it the power to affect change. So yes. I'm happy to bring Kiele into this world, in whatever state it is in. But I'm going to make sure that I raise her to see beauty and goodness and ultimately believe that it is indeed a worthwhile place with enduring value. Today, after a December week alone in the lab, I get to see my daughter’s eyes seek my face and try to make sense of this world. I'm awed at the way she's learned to see the edges of me, as rough as they are. I'm so excited to see who she becomes. To know her and be known by her. |
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December 2023
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